RRLA

Oh sure, anyone can implement an effective email marketing campaign that offers great ROI. But what if you’re looking to tank your email campaign? Not so easy, is it? Don’t worry, Andrew Kordek from Deliverability.com has outlined nine basic steps guaranteed to sink your campaign. In a nutshell:

1. Boast to your subscribers about your prowess in email marketing. And do it often. They really care about this.
2. Forget about what your subscribers want; you’re in this to generate revenue. So, be sure to send them an email everyday and eventually they’re bound to buy something. Or opt out.
3. Remember, you’re not really sending emails or communications, your sending “blasts” and all that the name implies. Get those subscribers in your sights and blast and blast away.
4. You know all those white papers, articles and blogs that cover email marketing best practices? Print them out and turn them into paper airplanes. C’mon, no one knows better than you anyway.
5. People signed up for your email so they must obviously want it. They crave it. That said, don’t spend too much time thinking about what you send, they’ll be happy to get anything. They’re so needy.
6. Don’t waste money on an email expert to run your program since any bozo can do the job. No bozos around?  Grab someone from the mail room; they’re experts with the mail, right?
7. Choose an email service provider based on the following criteria: A) they can send email, and B) they are the cheapest ones around. Don’t be bothered with trivial things like does their user interface and service support suck.
8. Never grow your list organically when you can buy a list with 4 million opt-in names for just $99. Hey, who doesn’t love a bargain?
9. And finally, be sure to let your CMO or president tell you how to run the show. Just because he or she does not fully understand what you do, that’s no reason to think they can’t do it better.

Pearls, indeed.

Click here for Andrew Kordek’s complete post.